animentality:

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thickness-protection-program:

With all due disrespect anyone who thinks a full grown adult can survive off of 12$/hr in 2023 should die

budgiefics-deactivated20220511:

what-even-is-thiss:

what-even-is-thiss:

what-even-is-thiss:

Why do I have to explain to some people that I have trauma involving the color pink before they’ll stop poking me about why I don’t like it

Most people are fine about it but once in a while I’ll casually mention that oh no thanks I don’t want that it’s pink and that person will just not stop ribbing me about it until I say out loud “I’m transgender and wearing the color pink reminds me of my trauma related to that” before they will shut up about it.

This sort of person is rare but it’s wild to me that they’re common enough that I’ve run into this problem more than once with different people.

I think there’s a group of people that went through a hating pink phase and then grew out of it and so they view me as someone that hasn’t seen the light yet or someone that is expressing toxic masculinity rather than a person who was forced to live in a particular way for a period of time that has trauma related to that.

I’ve seen dysphoric people (especially trans men) being accused of toxic masculinity because we have trauma/dysphoria related to certain clothes and accessories. I once had a femme tell me that all men should wear dresses and makeup, because breaking gender norms makes you a good person. I told her that I broke gender norms in order to transition, and I’m not going to break them again if that means disregarding my own boundaries. She told me I was being toxic.

The erosion of what “toxic masculinity” actually means is very dangerous. Toxic masculinity involves unhealthy expectations that are put upon men, to be stoic, superior, unhealthily masculine, and aggressive. These expectations are reinforced through violence and pressure.

A man being vulnerable enough to assert his emotional boundaries is not toxic. A trans man valuing a certain presentation is not toxic.

If you wouldn’t accuse a transfeminine person of being toxic because she embraces a very feminine presentation, and rejects clothes associated with her birth gender, then don’t accuse transmasculine people of being toxic because we also value certain social signals.

Valuing one kind of presentation over another is transphobic and, at its core, gender e/ssentialist in nature. The idea that femininity is better, and masculinity is inferior (particularly if it’s the masculinity of a man), is regressive and stupid.

Remember that most trans men and transmasculine people were assigned female at birth (with the exception of some intersex community members), and we have fought long and hard to look the way that we do. We are not less progressive because we refuse to wear certain things. We broke gender norms. We won our battles, and we’re still fighting just to inhabit our most comfortable life. Refusing to see that is transphobia.

If I had grown up in a culture where men wore dresses, I wouldn’t personally be dysphoric about dresses. But I didn’t grow up in that culture. I grew up in a culture where I was forced to wear dresses, through punishment and violence. The inverse of toxic masculinity. If you’re not going to take that seriously, you just hate trans men and transmasculine people, and want to treat us like cis blokes.

Fighting against toxic masculinity should not mean demonising all masculinity. I sometimes feel that our community has missed the point by an unfathomable degree. Y'all should be more concerned about allowing men to be vulnerable and emotionally honest. But that’s not the mission, is it?

vaspider:

canadianwheatpirates:

cock-holliday:

I’m trying not to be a huge dick about it but I got a “but what about us q-slurs who are traumatized by the bad words?” on my slur reclaimation post and so I’ve made a handy guide

1. You are being called the slur.

A. If it is with malice, I am sorry for this experience, however, this situation is not at all what I was talking about.

B. If it is with affection or as a joke from other LGBTs, and it makes you uncomfortable, ask them to stop. If they don’t, they’re a dick for not respecting your boundaries.

2. You are being “forced” to see other people use the word for a larger community

A. If it bothers you then you are probably not the “fag community” to which they are referring, then. In a post? Block. Blacklist words. Block tags. Walk away. Avert your eyes. You don’t vibe with “queer community” then refer to it as LGBT. You make it sound like a “someone saying Happy Holidays means I can’t say Merry Christmas anymore” situation. You don’t have to use any words you don’t vibe with. Hate to say Dyke March or Dykes on Bikes? Don’t go to the march. Avoid the bikes.

3. You are being “forced” to hear other people use the word for themselves

A. I mean this with love and respect…suck it up. If it is so deeply triggering, remove yourself. Leave the situation. Block. Blacklist words. Block tags.

In a conversation about reclaimation, I am sorry, but you only get to decide how people refer to you, no one else. If someone else’s use upsets you, YOU have to do something about it, not them. You do not, under ANY circumstances, get to ask someone not to use dyke or fag or queer or tranny for themselves. You don’t get to ask someone not to use it/its. You don’t get to tell someone to tuck or bind because it gives you second-hand dysphoria. You do not get to decide how someone else is queer.

If being around them is that debilitating, you need to take steps to insulate yourself.

On the curate your own experience website, you should know how to do just that. There are so many guides out there. And to the complaint that “now” Pride uses all these slurs which has made Pride hostile to you, I’d invite you to crack open a book, but perhaps what you find will be too upsetting

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With regard to IRL events, it sucks to have such bad triggers and it can be isolating if you can’t be in spaces that use those terms, but also: there are ways of managing and healing from those triggers! Like, if you have such a bad trigger with those terms, there’s a good chance you have PTSD. PTSD is treatable, not just through therapy but through things like peer support too! You deserve better and if support is accessible to you, you deserve to have support!

“But I have trauma” is often used as such a hard stop in these conversations that it absolutely drives me up a wall.

Baby, ain’t nobody in this community that doesn’t have a buttload of trauma. And I’m talking like a wine butt’s worth of trauma. All of us have it.

If we just rolled over and said ‘oh no I have The Trauma’ to everything we encounter, we might as well just roll on up and fucking die, because we are the Traumatized Community. We have been told – all of us – how much we are terrible fucking people for being who we are. All of us.

Like, me, I fucking hate being confronted with doctors when I didn’t expect them. When the medical students in their white coats showed up to march in solidarity with the Trans March in Philly like 5 years ago, I did my breathing exercises and moved to a spot in the march where I didn’t have to see them all the time. I didn’t demand they all take off their white coats or leave the march. And they were just there to support us.

There is a point where refusing to claim responsibility for your trauma and how it is making you treat other people is just fucking wallowing, and I see way, way too much of that in these discussions. If your trauma is really that bad that you can’t handle seeing someone’s identity word written down, baby, you need to seek and find help. You deserve that support. You truly do. But other people in your community aren’t responsible for your trauma, and the reasonable accommodation for this is not “you never have to see anything that upsets you when you attend a RL event.” It’s “you move somewhere else in the march,” it’s “you filter your posts so you don’t have to see it.” And it is definitely “you respect that other people have the right to call themselves whatever the butts they want to.”

bauliya:

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how i feel about all those “q slur” people

roach-works:

doctordragon:

In light of recent events, I would like to remind everyone that the correct pro choice talking point that will actually pull people to our side is NOT whether a fetus is human or not because you’ll never win. The correct argument is how the state should never have the power to force you to give up physical autonomy for the sake of any other being.

if the state can’t force you to be an organ donor after your death, it shouldn’t be able to force you to be an organ donor before your death. if you can’t be forced to give even a pint of blood for half an hour, you shouldn’t be forced to give up your uterus for nine months. if your alcoholic father can’t demand you give him half your liver, if the red cross can’t just demand your blood, if those wig making companies can’t demand your hair, no one should be able to demand your reproductive system.

even if a fertilized egg is exactly as much of a person as a twenty one year old citizen, no one else in the world should have a legal right to make use of your body parts without your express consent.

elfwreck:

jabberwockypie:

mrskayathefrog:

jabberwockypie:

prokopetz:

I mean, it’s great that the “what about emergency vehicle access?” hack is so effective when pointing out the deficiencies of proposals for walkable communities, but it kind of burns my ass that you need to take that approach in the first place. I don’t know how many conversations about communities planning I’ve seen that go like this:

Walkable communities advocate: Here’s a plan for a walkable community in which only public transit will be permitted – no personal vehicles of any kind will be allowed.

Disability advocate: What about access for physically disabled people? If your options are public transit or the sidewalk and literally nothing else, any disabled person whose needs aren’t fully served 100% of the time by your favoured public transit framework is fucked, and there’s no such thing as a perfect public transit framework.

Walkable communities advocate, whose brain shut down the moment they heard the word “disabled” and didn’t process anything past that point: Oh, you silly cripple, the term “walkable community” doesn’t mean you’re only allowed to walk! How quaint.

I guess pointing out “well, if only public transit is accommodated, how are firefighters and paramedics supposed to access emergencies?” works because now they can imagine themselves being affected!

It’s SO frustrating.

I feel like a lot of these people are also assuming that all or most physically disabled people are disabled in ways that wheelchairs and scooters are a thing they need to use (and have access to) and that’s ALSO not the case. Because when disabled people are acknowledged I usually see it as like “Well with more sidewalks and no cars, wheelchair-users will be safer!” and like. Sure, for wheelchair-users who are able to go that far and don’t have other health conditions, that would be great. But there are a lot of other types of disabilities.

Extreme weather has been more of a problem as climate change has progressed, and hot and cold temperatures can negatively impact a lot of disabled people’s health in a lot of ways. (Or even if you DO have an electric wheelchair or scooter, cold weather can make the battery crap out, which can leave you stranded.) It was 90 degrees where I live for most of last month! Disabled people are also more likely to be on medications that increase your risk of heat exhaustion and heat stroke.

Or if you live somewhere that gets really icy in winter, where it can be unsafe for people whose disabilities affect balance (or people with low bone density - and especially a lot of elderly people) to walk very far outdoors. Falls can and do kill people, or leave them even more seriously disabled.

Or the air quality is garbage due to wildfires, and you, an asthmatic person, need to minimize your time outdoors as much as possible so that you can continue breathing.

If you have a condition that causes fatigue, there’s a timer with a hard limit on your excursions out of the house (and even out of bed for a lot of people). Ask @lynati how many times I’ve damaged myself because I took a trolley to get groceries, overestimated my energy levels, and hurt myself carrying them back to the house, and then been unable to walk for the next two days. And I live in a city with halfway decent public transit!

And that’s BEFORE you get into how public transit and things like taxis can be actively hostile to people who use mobility devices.

More public transit and better sidewalks and everything are great, and people should be able to function in society without driving, but there’s just not going to be a society where public transit works for 100% of people 100% of the time. It’s unreasonable to expect that disabled people should be okay with just being trapped inside their homes indefinitely, and you can’t just go “Well it’ll be figured out later”.

I just watched a Tom Scott video about a city where they have banned private vehicles, and (as Tom Scott himself said) it’s not perfect. It wouldn’t necessarily be practical for every city, and indeed this city is in a unique location so they were able to build to that requirement, but it works for them.

There are busses and taxis, emergency response vehicles, and delivery and work vehicles. That’s it.

Again, not perfect, but our current system (for most cities around the world) is worse. Requiring taxi companies to change their fleets to accommodate disabled people and their devices (including mobility and other devices) would be a possible solution, as well as having government supplements for taxis. In Aotearoa New Zealand, a disabled people can apply for a taxi discount card and that will supplement most of your trip. That is a possible solution also.

I feel like a lot of people going “Well the government could step in and provide alternatives for disabled people” have never had to try to wring transportation accommodations out of the government as a disabled person.

I’m not currently able to get Non-Emergency Medical Transportation to get to my doctor’s appointments - a thing that theoretically my insurance does cover and that is part of the ACA! - because:

  • I had my doctor fill out the form
  • The form also says in bold that if your disability is caused by alcohol, drugs, or “obesity”, they won’t provide transportation. So, you know, fuck those people if they need medical care, I guess.
  • (To be clear, in any of these cases, it can be denied because “You had a disability and had a substance abuse problem at the same time.” or “You had a disability while also being fat.” It doesn’t actually need to be a causal relationship in practice.)
  • I didn’t hear anything from the office with the Department of Transporation that covers this, and I called to ask they said “Oh, it was denied.”
  • I asked why it was denied. They said “Your doctor filled out the form wrong.”
  • I asked “Could you tell me what she needs to do differently, so I can tell her?”
  • “No, we don’t give out that information.”
  • “Well how can she fill it out correctly if I can’t tell her it was done wrong?”
  • “We don’t give out that information”
  • “Okay I get what you’re saying, but do you have guidelines on how the form needs to be filled out?”
  • “No. But we can send you another copy.”
  • “But. If I don’t know what was done incorrectly-”
  • I asked “Well could my orthopedist fill it out, since she has a better understanding of the injury?” and they said no it HAS to be your primary care doctor and we’ll check it against your insurance..
  • My primary care doctor I actually see is not the same as my primary care doctor on paper, because the low-income clinic I go to for my primary care needs is chronically short-staffed and tends to shuffle people around. I’ve met the woman who’s “officially” my PCP once in 2 ½ years. She wasn’t very helpful.
  • Also a lot of doctors just don’t want to be fucking bothered with doing disability paperwork and will refuse to do it no matter how obviously you need accommodations.

And, even if you get it, you have to provide notice three days in advance of each trip, and it can take hours to be picked up on either end of your trip. And sometimes they just plain do not show up.

So, from my perspective, as a person with chronic pain, who just had surgery and has spent the last six weeks having to have a friend wrestle one of these down two flights of stairs and into the car any time I needed to go anywhere:

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The current system - while flawed - IS a lot better than banning cars.

“Ban personal vehicles” should be the FINAL stage in a walkable community.

First - add public transit; make sure it goes everywhere so that nobody has to walk more than a quarter-mile to get to a transit stop. Make it run frequently enough and have enough cross-connections that the difference between driving & transit is negligible, or at least, there’s not more than 20% extra time for taking transit. Often, public transit should take less time - trains are faster than cars.

(My 15-mile trip to work is 30 minutes on public transit… including walking a few blocks at either end. It’s about that in a car - in mid-afternoon. During rush hour, it’s about double that, plus gas & a bridge toll that add up to more than a round-trip ticket.) (And that’s before we get to parking costs in downtown SF.)

Put the bus stops at the doors of major shopping centers, not on the other side of the parking lot or around the block, half a mile away, so that anyone who needs to carry packages can’t use the bus. Make sure the bus stops have shade and seats.

(“But homeless people might sleep in them!” …honey, if homeless people are sleeping in bus stops, the problem is not that they have found shelter there; it’s that they haven’t found shelter elsewhere. Work on that too.)

Next - Make the place more walk-friendly. Sidewalks everywhere. Ramps where they connect to streets. Bike lanes. Trees. Benches. Benches with shade. Zoning reform to allow multi-family housing, small businesses, parks, schools, and “third spaces” like libraries or rec centers - all nearby each other.

Add some fucking public restrooms, dammit. And water fountains. And some kid-friendly artwork.

Next, as the effects from those cause ripples, look at redesigning the streets. Are they wider than they need to be for the traffic you want, rather than the traffic that currently uses them? Ripping out streets to replace them is expensive - but eventually, they need repairs, or changes to the street plan to allow for new homes or businesses, in which case… make actual changes instead of prioritizing 4 lanes of car traffic.

Eventually, you may wind up with “ban all personal vehicles and only leave spaces for emergency access.” But first: You make the place walk-friendly and slower for personal vehicles; those who need them can still use them; those who don’t, will use the other options, because they will be both convenient and pleasant for most people.

No banning cars until

  1. There is a robust public transit service in place - and by “robust,” I mean “can easily be navigated by a 9-year-old traveling alone, an 80-year-old using a walker, and a mom with two preschool kids doing shopping,” from any neighborhood in the city. (Psst “easily navigated” includes “easily afforded.”) (Need funding for that? Stop subsidizing cars.)
  2. Throw in “easy parking at transit center hubs” and make sure disability access is not “four parking spaces, half a block away from the transit entrance.”
  3. Public “walkable” areas don’t just have walkways but rest places - benches, shade, water, restrooms, access to food & commerce in easy distance. (No “must walk five blocks to get out of the business district to find a food place that’s not a coffee shop.”)

AFTER those are in place and functional… THEN you start talking about restricting personal auto use in the area. And that doesn’t mean “then you ban cars” but “then–and not before then–you research how cars are actually being used in the area.”

Because odds are, you don’t have to ban cars at all.

identitty-dickruption:

compulsory abledness also (partially) explains why disability aids are forced onto some people and denied from others

prosthetic limbs are forced onto amputees whether they want them or not because the goal is to make disabled people look as abled as possible. whereas, all sorts of people who would benefit from mobility aids are often denied them until it’s a “last resort” because! you guessed it! the goal is to make us look as abled as possible

neither person in this situation is privileged. it’s just that the same harmful phenomenon impacts different groups in different ways

gwydionmisha:

Now is an excellent time to tell your Democratic Congress Critters trans Healthcare is important

If you can’t safely contact them in person, here are some other options:

Call the Capitol Switchboard at (202) 224-3121 and ask to be connected to the representative of your choice.

Here is one that will send your reps a fax: https://resist.bot/

fagesque:

“kids are getting indoctrinated into transgenderism” did you know that left handedness increased from 3% to 12% when they stopped beating left handed children.